...and not so serious

Now that I got the serious crap out of the way, not to mention and hour and a half with my boyz from "The O.C.", I can be a little more snarky about what I'm thankful for. Because as Spencer said, as he sat on my couch last night, looking at my DVD rack, I like "the shit of pop culture". Love you too, Spencer.

• First, the Shit of Pop Culture. It isn't actually shit. Just what silly 20 year old boys think is crap. My DVD rack mostly consists of of TV on DVD: American Dreams, four seasons and the series finale of Dawson's Creek (I don't have the heart to buy the last two seasons 'cause while I love Pacey...they are reeeeally bad, 90% of the time), two seasons of Friday Night Lights (absolutely NOT SHIT and you must, MUST check them out), one season of Gossip Girl, the first two seasons of Grey's Anatomy and the first and last seasons of The O.C. I am a TV girl. And movie franchise girl. Holy "High School Musical"! Anything that shows character development over a season(s), makes my little heart happy. Not that HSM shows a lot of character development. I just like the singing and dancing.
• My framed diploma. Which is in my kitchen. Weird, but lovely.
• The fact that the 2008 election is done. If I ever hear one more word about 11, I will kill someone. Well, give me a few months of silent bliss, please. I'm not naive enough to think it won't show up on the ballot under another misconstrued torture device in the next election or five.
• Dancing in the kitchen. Or next to the closet. Wherever we find room.
• Movies (not movie franchises) that make my heart warm, especially little random delightful movies: Wonder Boys, The Kite Runner, The Last Kiss, The Man on the Moon. And any time Sweet Home Alabama is on USA.
• Zombie kitty.
• Driving down Medary because I know if I look up, the Campanile will be there.
• Writing a kick ass story. Or at least starting one.
• Reading my work out loud, even if just to myself. I love the lyrical way words can be connected together to make a point.
• My big spoon and fork Spencer gave me for a homewarming present.
• Yellow brick roads.
• Brown nailpolish.
• Princess Leia and Hermione Granger.
• The fake wine my mom still buys for me for Thanksgiving dinner.
• The spot on Main Avenue in front of Jim's Tap.
• How when I drive around Brookings, I'm starting to be able to see memories of my life there: in front of Jim's Tap, sitting on the steps of the Campanile, the alley behind Skinners, a soccer ball under some porch steps, the parking lot at the Blues. Those kind of memories don't come to me anymore in the town where I'm at right now.
• Comfortable and uncomfortable shoes. And being able to make them work for you. ;)
• Televisionwithoutpity.com - amazing site. Delightfully snarky.
• Having my own place, though for who knows how much longer.
• This is sorta silly, but planning my wedding, slowly. The fruit from Sara's wedding? Awesome. Already knowing the song I want for our first dance (oh, but who is the other half of the "our"??), my father/daughter dance, colors, time of year. Knowing I have all the time in the world to decide all this for sure, and at the end...it'll be lovely, no matter what happens.
• Bret Michaels and his gaggle of girls.
• Being able to see how ridiculous promise rings are -- more to come on this.
• All the pictures of me and my grandfather from when I was little.
• Getting to spend a lot of time with my dad these last couple months.
• Coffee. Oooo.
• Candles, purchased specifically not to burn.
• Inside jokes. Who doesn't like making others feel left out? ;)
• Driving a good metaphor into the ground.
• Being the one to keep the faith - being a faith keeper? Sounds weird, but I know that I'll never be at a loss, not entirely, even when I should be.
• Hobo Days and how happy everyone is.
• Bachelorette parties with Amy.
• Feeling first hand how words from a song lyric or poem or story can change someone's day.
• Sunshine while driving the Storybook Land Express.
• Being a natural blonde.
• And this song:

Thankful List

For anyone who knows me, it is no secret that 2008 has been a roller coaster of a year, starting on January 1. Actually, probably about December 30th, but really, what's a few days when 365 turn out to be a darn big pain in the ass. Anyway, I was driving up to my parents' house yesterday evening, following a friend up from Brookings, munching on french fries and reflecting on The Year That Was. (I know it isn't done yet, but bear with me.) This year, the last twelve months since last Thanksgiving have made me increasingly thankful for several things in my life. When you know who your friends are, that's invaluable. And I know we disappoint each other, in big ways sometimes, but I still love them and I know they love me. Even if it all culminates in big, dark arguments before bed or in tears over the phone. We're in this for the long haul. The comfort in knowing that no matter how hard it is to fall asleep...the waking up isn't as scary as it could be.

Things I'm thankful for this year.

• My family. Because we can make each other laugh over how bad our Christmas letter to family and friends will be this year. Truly heinous.
• Old friends. Even though the two of them are in Brookings and I'm not, I know I can reach out and get them, any time I need them, no questions asked. And when we argue, over big, life changing decisions that effect us all, or over tiny details, like how to tuck sheets under a mattress (for not really being friends with each other, their Nazi-like attention to bed making would make you think they're almost meant for each other), we always make up. Just in different ways. Because, like, ew. ;)
• New friends. I met a best friend of mine about two years ago now, over my stolen pencil in a Linguistics class. Pseudo dirty conversation occured: "Give me my pencil back!" "Can I borrow this?" "No! Give it to me!" "Sorry" Wink, wink. "I'm engaged." (Obviously, I'm not the one who was about to getting married.) This friend of mine and I wound up working elbow to elbow for several months at our old jobs and he turned into a valuable person in my life, for his sense of humor mostly. And one more friend: I met this one in high school but a friend we share got married this summer and we instandly bonded over the absurdity of it. It is always comforting when you're not the only one at the wedding who thinks 23 is way too young.
• My freedom to come and go. I've been racking up some serious driving time the last month or so, going between both towns. As bizarre as my situation is right now, I haven't been happier in months. The only way I figure, is that in the whole scheme of things...it can't get any worse. Right? Right??

A little tradition

Takes me back to my freshman year of high school. And for all the naysayers...eh. I'll always love me some Hanson.


Merry Christmas, Baby - Saturday Night Live in 1997 or 1998, when Helen Hunt hosted.



And yeah, they grew up. "Go", from Hanson's current album, released last year. "The Walk". The one singing here is Zac, the little drummer boy from the first video.

Damn that mother Chucker!

My new Pacey.

My Yellow Brick Road

I must confess, this autumn has brought me very little. I am home, and am not happy. I have an apartment here. As mildly comfortable as it is, it is just in the wrong town. Friends "at home" are not happy. One is frustrated with the remainder of his academic career, one is falling a part at the seams, one lost her husband and one...well, nothing's changed for him, and that's the very problem to begin with. I'm not arrogant enough to believe that my friends can't go on without me there, but I am truthful enough to say that all of us were happier a mere six months ago.

I often think about my last two weeks there. How I spent it learning to play frisbee golf, nearly throwing out my shoulder in the process. I spent my days at my old job, trying not to tear up every time I realized I did something for the last time. How can someone get sentimental over stapling 20 PowerPoint presentations together? I did. I gave and received close to a hundred hugs. Each one was tighter as it got closer to my two weeks being up. I camped at my two best friends' houses, recording how her hair reflects in the late summer sunlight or how when he smiles, it peaks a little higher on his right side of his face. I wrote a few letters, to the people that meant the most to me there. And I tried my best to let them go, truly believing that I had to, if I wanted to achieve anything here. That if I said goodbye, I could turn a chapter in my life and start over, again.

I was wrong. A few weeks ago, I learned that the only people I can depend on, through thick and thin, are my family and a handful of people I left at home. They're the ones who comforted me when I was at my worst, they were the ones who sent cards, funny text messages, emails containing smiley faces. And now, they're the ones telling me it is ok if I come home. That now I really do have the chance to do anything I want.

The day I left, my brother rode up with me. The whole drive, he sat beside me, jabbering mindlessly, doing his best to keep me distracted that with every song on the radio that ended, I was farther from where I belonged. I knew it, he knew it. I think we all knew it. I ate dinners with my family, spent evenings reading, trying to write. Trying, being the operative word. I imagined I was Dorothy, trusting that a mythical yellow brick road had brought me here for a reason. All along, I knew that yellow brick road of mine was going in the wrong direction. Because I missed home.

It hurts my mom and dad when I call the other place home. It confuses people who know I grew up here when I call the other place home. It makes me smile when I drive into the other places' city limits though, a fog lifts, and I know I'm home there. My heart, almost all the people I love unconditionally are there. And now, I think it is only a matter of time until I am, as well.

You Know You Love Me

I love whenever takes a break from posting, they apologize for neglecting their blog. I don’t apologize for neglecting whatever short story I’m working on. I don’t apologize for forgetting about my cherished blue notebooks for over a year or for waiting until the last possible second to write a paper. (Well, when I had papers to write.) I don’t really apologize for much of anything, to be honest. I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing or not.

My move home has been rocky. I find myself in my old town, more weekends than not. But I always have an excuse. A friend’s husband passed away! Homecoming was always on the agenda for months! A friend needed a weekend to forget how he couldn’t pheasant hunt opening weekend! Halloween, also always on the agenda! Another friend will be in a play on campus in a month! Then December graduation! Then New Years! Then…something else will come up!

I’m optimistic it will get better after my friends start graduating and moving on with their lives. Until then, I think I’m just doomed to feel like a fish out of water. It is hard to adopt a new life when everyone I love is still living the life I loved, so much for so long. Jealousy is definitely a factor here, which is interesting because they’re all jealous of me, being gone. Grass is always greener.

So what has made my transition into adulthood a little easier? A few things.

I’m getting the chance to read books I never read while I was in school, since they weren’t on a syllabus somewhere. I’ve noticed several of the books on my reading list have movies based on them: “The Devil Wears Prada”, “P.S. I Love You” (which…ew, not a great book – feels like something I wrote in junior high), “Stardust”, “The Secret Life of Bees”, it goes on and on.

SNL. The presidential election. They sort of go hand in hand. On a day when I’m still torn on who I’m going to vote for president (I’ve got roughly an hour and ten minutes to decide or else leave that question blank), Tina Fey makes a girl giggle. Sarah Palin, not so much. Then again, Tina Fey has always made a girl giggle, especially on her old Weekend Updates with Jimmy Fallon. I miss me some Jimmy.

Halloween was peaceful, even though I spent it downtown, dressed up like Daisy Duke, which you think would inspire anything but peacefulness. Let’s just say that if Halloween goes well, the rest of the winter will. We’ll count that as a sign. (Don’t ask.)

Last but not least, “Gossip Girl”. It is this delightfully insane show on the CW from the folks who created “The O.C.” and my complete love of Seth Cohen (even in season 2) has never been a secret. GG takes place in NYC, with the bitchiest little girls you can imagine, but I love it. I can’t stop watching. Josh Schwartz may be one of my favorite TV people of all time. And coming up against Peter Berg, (FNL – Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!) that’s saying something. Blair and Chuck rock my world.

Also, almost every time I talk to a friend, he always asks me what Gossip Girl had to say today. You know you love me, XOXO. Hahaha.