Back in the saddle again

Tomorrow morning, I go to my first writing group meeting. I'm not one of those writers who is intimidated by recomendations or suggestions concerning my writing. Bring it on! I need all the help I can get and will not get defensive. Unless you tell me I'm dumb. Then you got another thing coming. ;)

I'm nervous because tomorrow morning, I start reading work from two former professors and one fellow former student. Fine, I lied, sort of. That doesn't make me nervous. Reading and offering suggestions to these women scares me. Offering help to people (who are just like me) intimidates me to no end and I don't even know why. I understand how intense some writing groups get and it usually happens because the writing is intense. Even comedic writing is intense, when it is good. And these ladies? I've read stuff from at least two of them...and they're good. They're real good.

I am excited however, because this will keep a fire under my ass, so to speak. To actually write. And I'm seriously craving for anything having to do with academia at this point. Life after graduation didn't pan out the way I always thought it would. It doesn't help that nearly all the people in my life, sans my parents, are still in school. I miss learning!

Signs

My favorite song, of the moment. I found it via "Gossip Girl", but seriously? Between the two of Josh Schwartz's teen shows ("The O.C." and "Gossip Girl") I have heard a ton of awesome music I never would've found on my own. Anyway, Bloc Party's "Signs". I don't take the lyrics to heart, but the song is so lovely, especially with the chiming.

22 days

When I started this blog late last summer, I called it "No Place Like Home" for two reasons. One, I had just moved to the town where I grew up. Two, the place where I was working caters to the city's tourism and the city's tourism, for the summer months anyway, is really into Wizard of Oz themed stuff, from a small theme park. Apparently Frank Baum thought up his character Dorothy while he was residing in my town. I grew up walking down a yellow brick road whenever my parents took me to the park and later on, I worked at that amusement park for four summers. If you know me, metaphors climb into my head and work overtime once they've made themselves comfortable. The "yellow brick road/coming home after college" thing did it for me. Or maybe it did me in.

Regardless, I moved back to my college town 22 days ago. I have been homeless for 22 days. And as crazy as I am right now, having my shoes (my shoes!) stuck in my car trunk, half my clothes sitting in a hamper next to Amanda's kitchen table, my writing and computer stuff stashed in another friend's closet and everything else I own in a storage unit in a town that even Frank Baum left, I couldn't be happier. I won't lie; it is a struggle to make ends meet right now. Two jobs and very little free time with friends does make me a little sad. But a potential apartment is on the very near horizon. I know my situation looks pretty dire right now, but I haven't regretted a second of it. I think that may be the biggest thing working in my favor right now. A lot of people wouldn't have had the guts to do what I did, even if it was just back to Brookings. To just pack everything, give up your apartment in the middle of the winter and go...more than one person has told me, several times, that I'm an idiot. But I've always gone after what I want. When things are this difficult, why in the world would I stop now?

Clear eyes, full hearts...

It ain't no secret that I love a little show called "Friday Night Lights". I love Coach and Tami, I love little baby Gracie Belle and Jules, I love Saracen and Smash and their bickering friendship. I love bad boy Timmy Riggins and Lyla's gone-Christian storyline. I love Grandma Saracen, love Landry and how everyone still calls him "Lance" and I love how kick ass Tyra is all. the. time. I love Explosions in the Sky and how this show introduced me to the band. I love how I can't stop singing Devil Town. I love Buddy Garrity, I love the football field, I love how somebody scribbled "Street" underneath the Dillon Panther logo on the locker room door. I love how someone at that show, way back in the beginning of season one put Jason Street's name there (details!!). I love how this damn show makes me cry every single flippin' episode and not because I cry at everthing, but because of how lovely the writing is, how the actors work off and with each other, how easily I invested myself in the story and how, in turn, another friend sat with me and watched the first two seasons of this show in under a week. And I love how he loves it too. But most of all? I love how DirectTV picked up FNL up, simply so it could come back for season 3, hopefully to more viewers.

And Season 3, my friends, starts this Friday on NBC. And if this clip doesn't interest you, at least a tiny bit...well, I'm pretty sure you don't have a heart. ;)

2008 < 2009

It isn't a secret that 2008 kicked my ass all over this side of the state. Literally. I was eating lunch with Amanda at McDonalds on New Years Eve and I realized I could pinpoint something bad that happened to me personally in every month of 2008. Don't get me wrong, good stuff did happen. I graduated from college. I felt the love and support of my family and close friends. I discovered "Gossip Girl". But when the clock turned midnight on New Years Eve, I don't think there was a more relieved person in all of Brookings. I teared up in that minute afterwards and when my cell phone buzzed in with a text message from the one person I never thought would still be in my life 365 days ago... Let's just say this year is already off to a 100% better start.

A lot of my optimism for almost everything in my life was squashed over the course of 2008. The cynic in me, the cynic that grew up in Aberdeen and was left in Aberdeen five years ago, came back full force this year. I know 2009 will not be a smooth start. It probably won't be smooth sailing for some time yet. But the optimist is starting to show up, here and there. And until she's back all the time, my faith in her return will always keep me going.

Happy 2009. May it be a little easier for all of us.

More or Less

I'm back in Brookings, more or less to stay, I think.

The "I think" comes because I don't have a job and I don't have an apartment. Currently, the plan is to stay with one friend through New Years and then switch over to another friend's place. I say "currently" because my plans have changed so many times, so drastically since the end of August. I can't believe it has only been a few months. When I was packing up the last of my Aberdeen apartment yesterday morning, I looked at my mom and mentioned that so much has happened. She agreed and told me I've been keeping it together well. That's the sort of thing I need to hear right now.

Still, I'm glad to be done (more or less again) with Aberdeen. I never really wanted to go back, but I felt it was silly to turn down that job. If I'd known about half the opportunities in Brookings, I could've been persuaded to stay in a heartbeat. There's something in Brookings that Aberdeen doesn't have and I've always known that, but I could never pin point it. These last weeks, I've realized that both places are home, but I just fit in better in Brookings. I have a social life here. The artistic community, which stems from campus, is so much more encouraging. A part of me feels like I put my life on hold for the months I was in Aberdeen and that bugs the hell out of me. I'm too young to have a fog set in like that.

Regardless, I'm happy to be back, even if all my stuff is in a storage unit in Aberdeen. Even if I'm mooching off all my friends. Even if I don't have my own home here yet. The fact that so many people are willing to open theirs up to me means I am home.

"Just hurry down the chimney tonight..."

Happy holidays!!

When the biggest holiday collides with moving out of an apartment, things get a little messed up and complicated. It'll get worse when I actually start packing, but I just don't have the heart to do it until Friday. I don't know if it is Christmas, or if it is because I moved in here thinking I'd be here a lot longer... I'll miss the fam, but I got a reassuring Facebook message from a friend today, and it reinforced my decision to go back to Brookings. Merry Christmas, ya know?

My family celebrates Christmas on the Eve. I'm not sure why, but it was always nice as a kid to just open and enjoy my gifts the night before. Then we could all chill on the Christmas Day and hang out with each other. Besides, there's something magical about "knowing" Santa could be flying by the picture window as we opened our presents. I remember one Christmas Eve, Spencer and I sat in the kitchen in our old house, listening to the radio for updates on Santa's location. Mom and Dad finally managed to get us to bed because Dad swore he heard bells on the roof but Santa knew we were up, so we had to go to bed. That was enough.

Spencer and I were always spoiled when it came to Santa. Every year, Mom called 1-800-North-Pole for us and we got to talk to Mrs. Clause and Santa. I always thought it was crazy how much Santa sounded like our Uncle Kent, but you know, I never asked. ;)

When I was even younger, when Spencer was just a baby, Santa came to visit us personally. I truly don't remember this, but I guess after we opened our presents, someone knocked on the door. Mom made me run to answer it and on the other side was a kitchenette set, with bits of snow and sparkles on the top. Dad reappeared (where was he?!) and exclaimed over how he heard a "Ho Ho Ho" outside. I thought Santa's personal visit was the coolest thing. We still have that kitchenette set in the basement.

As a young adult, I'm having a difficult time with Christmas, just transitioning from kid-like fantasy to adulthood, but you could argue I'm having difficulty with that transition all together. I do know, however, that I am so excited to have kids some day, just to celebrate nights like tonight with them.

Want a Cookie?

My ma has jumped into her Christmas baking full force this weekend. We have cranberry and nut cookies, sugar cookies, sugar with frosting cookies, homemade caramel, Ritz cracker cookies and about a thousand more varieties of baked goods to go yet. Aside from helping me back and celebrating the actual holiday this week, she'll be in the kitchen baking and cooking all week. Jon said today that I'm crazy for moving, that he'd love the chance to swing by his mother's kitchen any given day for homecooked food. I have appreciated it so much these last few months, but it is time I learn to cook. With my mother, the culinary master that she is, living in the same town as me...why should I ever have to learn? Hahaha. Fine, I know I should.

Anyway, Dad and Spencer decorated these cookies tonight while we were watching "Homeward Bound: Lost in San Francisco" on the Hallmark Channel. Say it with me. Awwww.

(P.S. Spencer made the Grinch Santa. My personal favorite is the snowman. He made me giggle.)

Caring Bridge

Some old friends of mine, Harmony and Phil, found out they were pregnant sometime last spring. Macee Elizabeth was born on December 9, 2008 and her arrival has been drama-filled, to say the least. She's doing much better now, however, and for that I am very thankful. This afternoon, Harms sent me a text to check out her daughter's Caring Bridge site. Whoever came up with this concept was crazy smart -- a great way for family and friends to be updated on a sick kid's progress without harrassing and stressing the parents out, more than they already are. Great site.

And Macee? Is adorable and strong and brave. Hopefully she'll get to come back up here soon.

http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewHome.do

Already Gone

Earlier this fall, I totally fell head over heels in love with this song. I've been a Sugarland fan for some time, passed up the chance to see them live now twice (bugger!), and think Jennifer, the lead singer, is awesome and strong and totally a role model. So anyway, love this song. Earlier on, when it was on the radio every six minutes, it made me smile because as displeased as I was with my life at the time, I felt that if I served my time, I'd eventually be able to live up to the "already gone" part. And the lyrics about boxes and dishes and socks hit home hard, in a soft, cozy place, because I've found an ex's pair of socks and an old wifebeater in my laundry before (years ago, just for the record) and...ouch.

Long, rambl-y story short, in the drama that has ensued, I forgot about this song. I was driving up to beat the blizzard and spend a few days with my folks when this song came on the radio somewhere around the Watertown curves. And it has been stuck in my head ever since.

I can't wait for January 1. So many hopeful, optimistic, new, shiny, over-anticipated beginnings.

Job Search Rule 101

Oh my god, ohmygod, OHMYGOD!

I'm on a massive job search right now. In fact, all my extra money, patience and time have gone into this project (or whim, if you're my dad) and I do something dumb.

I sent a cover letter in electronically that said (rather than "greetings" or "dear Mr. so-n-so") "Dear Please Whoever Will Hire Me".

Yes, I did that.

WHEN DID I BECOME SUCH A PSYCHOTIC?

I'm never going to get a job at this point.

I really don't remember sending that copy. The one I swear I sent was nice, professional and pretty as a picture. The only reason I had the other salutation at all is because it was a place holder -- I've been using a template of a cover letter since April. And yes, normally I am absolutely perfect about typos and adjusting my cover letter to the place I'm applying very, very well. But THIS?? I seriously mess with my own fate.

...and not so serious

Now that I got the serious crap out of the way, not to mention and hour and a half with my boyz from "The O.C.", I can be a little more snarky about what I'm thankful for. Because as Spencer said, as he sat on my couch last night, looking at my DVD rack, I like "the shit of pop culture". Love you too, Spencer.

• First, the Shit of Pop Culture. It isn't actually shit. Just what silly 20 year old boys think is crap. My DVD rack mostly consists of of TV on DVD: American Dreams, four seasons and the series finale of Dawson's Creek (I don't have the heart to buy the last two seasons 'cause while I love Pacey...they are reeeeally bad, 90% of the time), two seasons of Friday Night Lights (absolutely NOT SHIT and you must, MUST check them out), one season of Gossip Girl, the first two seasons of Grey's Anatomy and the first and last seasons of The O.C. I am a TV girl. And movie franchise girl. Holy "High School Musical"! Anything that shows character development over a season(s), makes my little heart happy. Not that HSM shows a lot of character development. I just like the singing and dancing.
• My framed diploma. Which is in my kitchen. Weird, but lovely.
• The fact that the 2008 election is done. If I ever hear one more word about 11, I will kill someone. Well, give me a few months of silent bliss, please. I'm not naive enough to think it won't show up on the ballot under another misconstrued torture device in the next election or five.
• Dancing in the kitchen. Or next to the closet. Wherever we find room.
• Movies (not movie franchises) that make my heart warm, especially little random delightful movies: Wonder Boys, The Kite Runner, The Last Kiss, The Man on the Moon. And any time Sweet Home Alabama is on USA.
• Zombie kitty.
• Driving down Medary because I know if I look up, the Campanile will be there.
• Writing a kick ass story. Or at least starting one.
• Reading my work out loud, even if just to myself. I love the lyrical way words can be connected together to make a point.
• My big spoon and fork Spencer gave me for a homewarming present.
• Yellow brick roads.
• Brown nailpolish.
• Princess Leia and Hermione Granger.
• The fake wine my mom still buys for me for Thanksgiving dinner.
• The spot on Main Avenue in front of Jim's Tap.
• How when I drive around Brookings, I'm starting to be able to see memories of my life there: in front of Jim's Tap, sitting on the steps of the Campanile, the alley behind Skinners, a soccer ball under some porch steps, the parking lot at the Blues. Those kind of memories don't come to me anymore in the town where I'm at right now.
• Comfortable and uncomfortable shoes. And being able to make them work for you. ;)
• Televisionwithoutpity.com - amazing site. Delightfully snarky.
• Having my own place, though for who knows how much longer.
• This is sorta silly, but planning my wedding, slowly. The fruit from Sara's wedding? Awesome. Already knowing the song I want for our first dance (oh, but who is the other half of the "our"??), my father/daughter dance, colors, time of year. Knowing I have all the time in the world to decide all this for sure, and at the end...it'll be lovely, no matter what happens.
• Bret Michaels and his gaggle of girls.
• Being able to see how ridiculous promise rings are -- more to come on this.
• All the pictures of me and my grandfather from when I was little.
• Getting to spend a lot of time with my dad these last couple months.
• Coffee. Oooo.
• Candles, purchased specifically not to burn.
• Inside jokes. Who doesn't like making others feel left out? ;)
• Driving a good metaphor into the ground.
• Being the one to keep the faith - being a faith keeper? Sounds weird, but I know that I'll never be at a loss, not entirely, even when I should be.
• Hobo Days and how happy everyone is.
• Bachelorette parties with Amy.
• Feeling first hand how words from a song lyric or poem or story can change someone's day.
• Sunshine while driving the Storybook Land Express.
• Being a natural blonde.
• And this song:

Thankful List

For anyone who knows me, it is no secret that 2008 has been a roller coaster of a year, starting on January 1. Actually, probably about December 30th, but really, what's a few days when 365 turn out to be a darn big pain in the ass. Anyway, I was driving up to my parents' house yesterday evening, following a friend up from Brookings, munching on french fries and reflecting on The Year That Was. (I know it isn't done yet, but bear with me.) This year, the last twelve months since last Thanksgiving have made me increasingly thankful for several things in my life. When you know who your friends are, that's invaluable. And I know we disappoint each other, in big ways sometimes, but I still love them and I know they love me. Even if it all culminates in big, dark arguments before bed or in tears over the phone. We're in this for the long haul. The comfort in knowing that no matter how hard it is to fall asleep...the waking up isn't as scary as it could be.

Things I'm thankful for this year.

• My family. Because we can make each other laugh over how bad our Christmas letter to family and friends will be this year. Truly heinous.
• Old friends. Even though the two of them are in Brookings and I'm not, I know I can reach out and get them, any time I need them, no questions asked. And when we argue, over big, life changing decisions that effect us all, or over tiny details, like how to tuck sheets under a mattress (for not really being friends with each other, their Nazi-like attention to bed making would make you think they're almost meant for each other), we always make up. Just in different ways. Because, like, ew. ;)
• New friends. I met a best friend of mine about two years ago now, over my stolen pencil in a Linguistics class. Pseudo dirty conversation occured: "Give me my pencil back!" "Can I borrow this?" "No! Give it to me!" "Sorry" Wink, wink. "I'm engaged." (Obviously, I'm not the one who was about to getting married.) This friend of mine and I wound up working elbow to elbow for several months at our old jobs and he turned into a valuable person in my life, for his sense of humor mostly. And one more friend: I met this one in high school but a friend we share got married this summer and we instandly bonded over the absurdity of it. It is always comforting when you're not the only one at the wedding who thinks 23 is way too young.
• My freedom to come and go. I've been racking up some serious driving time the last month or so, going between both towns. As bizarre as my situation is right now, I haven't been happier in months. The only way I figure, is that in the whole scheme of things...it can't get any worse. Right? Right??